


Paths That Could Have Been

by Shadow_Flare



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Mild Angst, Not Beta Read, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27231664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Flare/pseuds/Shadow_Flare
Summary: While clearing out her room of her old belongings, Sayo stumbles across several facets of her childhood which makes her ponder the paths she could have taken.
Relationships: Hikawa Hina & Hikawa Sayo
Comments: 19
Kudos: 31





	Paths That Could Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> My first Bandori fanfic, and my first fanfic for anything that isn't an original setting period. And who better to write about than my favorite character? While I was familiar on who Sayo was back when I just casually knew about Bandori, the moment I looked into the characters' stories/events I found hers to be the one that resonated with me the most, along with her personality, relationships and her design which clicked with me the most.
> 
> And as I thought about all the things the game has said about her history with Hina, and of her inferiority complex: This thought came to my mind while cleaning my my own room the other day, and I before knew it this concept came up and I knew I had to write this down. I also credit reading a Hikawa Twin-based doujin called "I am Sick of **" which is where I got inspiration for some of the flashback scenes.
> 
> Without further ado, on to the fic.

“Sayo, Hina, your father and I will be heading out now. Be sure to finish clearing up your bedrooms first for any old clothes and things you may not need anymore before we get back you hear?” Mrs. Hikawa said as she gazed at the two teal-haired twins on her way out of the Hikawa household.

“Understood mother/Got it mother!” Sayo and Hina said simultaneously.

“Hmm hmm, that’s my girls. All right, we are off. You two take care now.” Mrs. Hikawa said as she and her husband started walking towards the route to the nearest train station.

As soon as both their parents were out of sight, both Sayo and Hina went back inside. “Well you heard mother: Come on Hina, we have some spring cleaning to do.” Sayo said.

“Spring? But Onee-chan, it’s autumn!” Hina chuckled.

“Oh right, fufu sorry…it was just an expression that I heard Udagawa-san once said when she mentioned the time she and Tomoe-san had to clean up their old things like we are doing now.” Sayo said with a small and soft smile.

“Whatever you say onee-chan. Now if you will excuse me, I have some boppin spring-but-its-actually-autumn cleaning to do. Ooh I wonder what I will find, this is going to be such fun! Dududududu!” Hina shouted energetically as she dashed back up to her bedroom.

“Boppin…hehe, leave it to Hina to make even cleaning out a bedroom to be “boppin”.” Sayo said with a small sigh followed by slight smile as she walked back up to her own bedroom.

* * *

A couple of hours after their parents had headed out, Sayo was now in her bedroom engaging in her current task – sorting out her closet, cabinets and drawers of her old things and categorizing them into three categories: Things she felt she could still find use off and/or still held sentimental value for her from her old guitar learning manuals from middle school (“Never hurts to go back to the basics every now and then, not to mention I still remember how much of my allowance I spent buying these much less my guitar.” Sayo thought to herself), to several stuffed plushies of various dog breeds along with a stuffed toy of a pack of French fries (in which Sayo blushed heavily before she stored them all safely back inside her closet.), and even her old textbooks and notes from middle school up all the way to her 2nd Year at Hanasakigawa.

Next came the things she felt she did not need nor want anymore, but felt were things she felt or knew someone else could make more use out of than she would: Things such as an old deck of tarot cards she had no clue as to how OR why are in her room in the first place (“Hmm hmm perhaps I can give this to Udagawa-san come Roselia’s next practice”), a souvenir figure of a cartoonish caricature of a bonsai-themed character from a resort she and her family probably visited at some point in her younger years but could not remember when (“Maybe Ichigaya-san would love this.” Sayo chuckled to herself).

And then of course, there were the things Sayo 100% knew she would not need anymore nor felt like she could give away to any of her friends: Namely, clothes from when the past 10-11 years of her life, old baby toys and learning materials, and to her horror – a plush of what appeared to be a cartoon carrot-themed character that seemed to stare into Sayo’s soul (“How in the world did I acquire this eyesore?!” Sayo muttered aghast before immediately putting it aside.)

About an hour or so later, Sayo had made a very steady progress in clearing out most of her old belongings: The things she intended to keep safely stored back to where she could find them, the things she intended to give away to her friends and associates as gifts sorted accordingly inside one large box labeled “For Friends”, and the things she did not need anymore and intended to give away, were neatly sorted and placed in another identically-large box labeled “For Give Away” (With the carrot plushy at VERY bottom of the box, covered by her baby clothes and toys)

Sayo was now in the process of wrapping up the last of her not-spring cleaning when her progress suddenly stopped as her eyes gazed upon a familiar object laying at the very bottom of her desk drawer. Even amidst the dust that surrounded it, she knew exactly what it was. “No way, is that?” Sayo muttered as she gently lifted the familiar object out of her drawer with both hands, being careful not to drop it, as if she was unearthing some ancient treasure from its millennia-long slumber before firmly laying it on top of her desk. “This is…”

What lay before Sayo was an incredibly old and very dusty sketchbook. At the sight of how dusty it was, the sketchbook had clearly seen better days…or years to be exact with how dusty and worn out it was. Wasting no time, Sayo blew the dust away from the sketchbook, then wiped it and her desk clean of all the dust and dirt before she proceed to open the sketchbook from the back cover, flipping through the pages up (noting how many pages seemed to have been torn) in a fast manner as sketch after sketch after sketch from her younger years passed her eyes.

And then finally, she came across the very start of the sketchbook where at the first page: She saw something written on it, as her eyes widened.

_“To my future artistic self. If you are reading this: Then I hope you have become the best artist, you can ever be. I am certain you have made Hina-chan, Mama and Papa so happy and proud of us. But no matter how far you have gone, please never forget where we got your start. And always remember that practice makes perfect. If you can keep practicing, if you can keep working hard: I am sure you can achieve anything that we put our mind into.”  
\- Sayo Hikawa, Age 8_

“This is…” Sayo could mutter as memories started flooding Sayo’s mind.

* * *

“Onee-chan! What are you doing?” An 8-year old Hina asked, looking over her older twin’s side.

“Ah Hina-chan! Why I’m drawing of course!” An 8-year old Sayo said happily. “You know that art contest we have at school this Friday? Well I’m practicing as much as I can so that I can win 1st place!”

“Oh yeah that one! Ooh, that’s so amazing onee-chan! I’m certain you’re going to win 1st place easy as pie! After all: You’ve been getting into drawing for quite a while now have you? I see you doing it all the time: During breaks, before dinner, and even shortly before we go to bed.” Hina asked.

“I sure have! For about a few months now to be precise and yet I am having so much fun! Granted I still feel like I have a long way to go, but after practicing all this time: I feel like I’ll make it for sure! If I’m going to be a great artist one day, I have to start somewhere right? And the only way to do so is practice, practice, and even more practice. Look, I even wrote so at the first page of my sketchbook to tell to my older self one day when she looks back at it.” Sayo said passionately as she showed Hina the message she planned to give her older self.

“Amazing! Hey onee-chan, can I see what you have drawn so far?” Hina asked curiously.

“Hehe so you want a tour of my art gallery?” Sayo asked playfully. “Well normally there is a fee to enter BUT since you are my twin sister, you get the “Twin Sister Discount” meaning you can come free of charge!” She said as Hina clapped her hands and laughed excitedly. Sayo then flipped through her sketchbook, giving her younger twin a tour to her personal little art gallery as she displayed her sketches one by one (Said sketches were off…less-than-stellar quality, as if an eight-year old drew these…oh wait).

“Wow…amazing! I can already tell you how much you have been practicing to get this far. Hehe one-chan, I am so happy to have you as my big sister. And I just know you will make it one day.” Hina said in awe. “Because if there is anyone who is the most amazing, boppin and zappin person in this world, it’s you!” she exclaimed happily.

“Boppin…zappin? Hahahaha! Aww! You think so Hina-chan?” Sayo laughed sheepishly.

“Hmm hmm, Onee-chan is very smart, very hardworking, and very diligent! Mama and papa always talk about how you’re a great example for me, not to mention our teachers love onee-chan so much!” Hina said happily. “That is why our classmates call you a…what was it? A “Teacher’s Pet?”” She said innocently.

“Ack! Hina-chan stop it you’re embarrassing me!” Sayo cried out as she tried to focus back on her drawing. “However, isn’t that the same with you? You always seem to pick up lessons in class so quickly. And whenever we play games with the other kids, you know just how to play and win within minutes of understanding the rules. I don’t know how you do it Hina-chan.” Sayo said softly.

“Oh that? It’s nothing special really, all of it just happened so easily for me so I don’t see what the big deal is about.” Hina said innocently.

“Hahah I guess so.” Sayo laughed albeit with some tone of uncertainty.

“I know you can do it onee-chan: You’re going to be an amazing artist one day!” Hina said assuredly.

“Hehehe thanks Hina-chan, hearing that from you means a lot to me.” Sayo said, the cheeriness back in her voice. She then spread her arms wide, inviting her younger twin for a hug in which the latter immediately accepted which was then followed by the two sisters laughing happily without a care in the world. A couple of minutes later, the twins separated the hug as Hina went back upstairs to their shared bedroom room, wishing Sayo good night and good luck all the way.

As Sayo continued drawing on her sketchpad with all the boundless optimism in her little body, she had failed to notice the pair of starry-filled eyes gazing at her. Eyes filled with admiration…and inspiration from what Sayo was doing.

* * *

Friday At School…

“Wow! This is amazing, you really do have a knack for drawing Sayo-chan. I can tell you put a lot of work and practice into this.”

“T-Thank you sensei.” Sayo said with a sheepish yet proud grin as Hina, the rest of their classmates and the other teachers (who were the contest judges) clapped their hands in applause and muttered words of praise and awe at Sayo’s hard work.

“All right then, that leaves us with our last participant – our last-minute participant to be exact. Come on out to the front Hina-chan!” The teacher said.

“Eh? Hina-chan?!” Sayo exclaimed in surprise.

“Yes sensei!” Hina said excitedly as she dashed to the front of the small makeshift stage, a sketchpad of her own in hand.

“All right Hina-chan, come show us what you have drawn for this contest.” The teacher said as she and the other teachers in the room looked at the younger Hikawa twin with anticipation.

“You got it sensei!” Hina said as she brought out her sketchpad and showed her drawing for everyone to see.

…

……

………

“EEEEEHHHH!!!”

“No way?!” A student exclaimed.

“Did Hina-chan actually draw that?!” Exclaimed another.

“Unbelievable!”

“Wow she really can do anything, and everything can she?”

“I think we know whose getting first place now.”

“H-H-Hina-chan, this is…this is absolutely incredible! And you told me just before this contest started that you just started drawing! J-Just how long have you been drawing anyway?” The teacher asked Hina, her expression filled with awe and surprise.

“Hmm hmm this is my first time drawing like ever! I just started a couple of days ago and well, this just happened!” Hina cried out, causing several gasps of awe from the other kids and especially Sayo who simply said nothing. “I just drew whatever came into my mind, and voila! Easy!” Hina said innocently.

“Well anyhow, thank you once again for showing us your work Hina-chan. Now why don’t you hurry back to your seat so I may continue with the program? All right?” The teacher said as Hina happily nodded and rushed back to her seat next to Sayo, who now looked nervous and downtrodden after seeing and hearing the reactions to Hina’s work compared to her own.

“Well everyone, I can definitely that all of you did such an amazing work today, after seeing the beautiful things all of your have drawn: All of you should feel proud of yourselves and I am certain you will only continue to improve as the year progresses. Now I would like to ask all participants, along with our little audience here to please wait a few minutes as our wonderful judges decide on the winners” The teacher said before walking towards the judges.

Meanwhile back in their seats, Hina looked over to her sister and saw the nervousness written all over her face. Seeing this, she reached for her big sister’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry onee-chan, you got this! You put so much work in practicing and working on your piece, you’re bound to win first for sure!”

“Yeah…” Sayo said nervously. “I do hope so…”

* * *

“Oh, how lucky we are to have such brilliant and talented little girls! My two babies, winning both 1st AND 2nd place!” Mrs. Hikawa cried out in joy as she enveloped both twins into a hug.

“Haha thanks mama!” Hina giggled.

“Yeah, thanks mama…” Sayo said.

“You know what this means right? This calls for a twice the celebration! Tell you both what: Because you two did such an amazing job at this contest: Why don’t we order twice the amount of fried potatoes at the family restaurant later?” Mrs. Hikawa said as she beamed with joy and pride.

“Really?! Hooray! Thank you, mama!” Hina squealed and jumped in joy, then looked over to Sayo’s side “Can you believe it onee-chan, we both won! We both won! Isn’t it amazing?!”

“I can say the same Hina-chan, and to think: You only started drawing and yet you managed to nab 1st place.” Sayo said.

“Yeah and it was so easy too!” Hina said innocently, causing Sayo to briefly recoil in shock. “But onee-chan is as amazing as I knew she was, you got 2nd place! Congratulations!” Hina squealed as she glomped her big sister in for a hug.

“Yeah, congratulations to you too Hina-chan.” Sayo said as Hina hugged her even tighter. At first Sayo felt uneasy but after seeing Hina’s happy and smiling face, she could not help herself but reciprocate the hug and laugh along with her.

But even as she did, she still could not escape the feeling of frustration that dwelled in her mind. And Sayo did not know why. All she hoped for was for this feeling to go away, so that she can continue honing her skills.

* * *

Not long after, their school held another art contest in which Sayo participated in once more after spending the next couple of months improving on her drawing. And much to her surprise, she heard from Hina that she decided to participate again too. Upon hearing that, a spark intensified within Sayo as she found herself practicing and improving her craft non-stop up until the day of the contest.

However much like the first art contest, Hina blew the rest of their classmates, the teachers and even their own parents away with her work which had far exceeded anything that Sayo could ever produce leading to her winning first place again. But the salt on the proverbial wound was when the teacher asked Hina questions on how much she felt she had been practicing her skills since the last contest, all her younger twin could reply was “Eh? I don’t really know: This was my first time drawing in such a long time. I’m surprised it turned out the same as last time.”

Then came the end of school year art contest. By then, the other students had already taken up painting and naturally so did Sayo who saw it as the natural next step in her path. “Third time is the charm. This time, I will beat Hina for sure.” Sayo thought to herself (which was then followed by her wondering WHY she started thinking like this before shrugging it off). Alas, just like the previous two contests: Hina had nabbed 1st place yet again, much to Sayo’s disbelief and to her surprise – frustration. And as Hina came to collect yet another 1st place certificate from their teachers, Sayo could only stare blankly at her participating entry as well as her personal sketchbook. Her eyes no longer containing the drive and passion they so previously had.

* * *

“Onee-chan!” A now 9-year old Hina cried out happily as she ran towards her sister after dinner. “Do you want to draw together? We haven’t drawn together for so long! And I was hoping we can do so before the next school year starts!"

“Hmm oh that…yeah about that.” the now 9-year old Sayo said taking her eyes away from a book. “L-listen Hina-chan, I decided…perhaps drawing isn’t for me after all.” She said dejectedly.

“Eh, why not Onee-chan?” Hina asked concernedly. “I thought you liked drawing, you even said it yourself.

“I did say that. But after thinking about it, I don’t think that is the path I want to partake in when I grow up. After all, you have seen how artists are really like haven’t you? Always spending a lot in art supplies, hoping they paint the next biggest thing, and yet always crossing the line of starvation in the process as they get reduced to begging on the streets for people to notice their works? I…I don’t want to end up like that, and I am sure you, mama and papa don’t want either don’t you?” Sayo stated.

“When you put it that way onee-chan, you ARE correct but who said anything about making it a full-on profession? We can still draw for the fun of it, right? Isn’t that why you wanted to draw in the first place? Are you sure you want to quit drawing for fun onee-chan?” Hina asked as she walked closer to her sister.

“Yes, I am sure. Sorry about that Hina-chan.” Sayo said, her body stiffening as Hina walked closer to her.

“Hmm all right onee-chan if you say so.” Hina said dejectedly when her expression lit up once more. “Say do you want to come downstairs? Mama and Papa are watching that animated movie from America, you know the one where this dog is this big movie star? So come on down with us onee-chan, pleeeaaaasssse...” she pleaded, puppy dog eyes on her face followed by a sound imitating a dog’s whimper.

“G-Guh!” Sayo freaked out as she looked away from Hina’s gaze, muttering to herself how dirty it was of Hina to use her puppy dog eyes AND puppy whimper combo on her. “Eh I…I think I will pass Hina-chan, I am kind off tired right now.” Sayo said as she let out a yawn and turned away from Hina’s gaze. “Perhaps I’ll call it a night.”

“Eh, but onee-chan you love dogs! Both real AND fictional ones! Are you really, really, REALLY all right?” Hina asked concernedly, scooting very close to Sayo’s face.

“Yes, I am Hina-chan!” Sayo shouted much to the younger twin’s surprise. Realizing this, Sayo placed her hands on Hina’s shoulders and looked at her assuredly. “Sorry, I’ve just been feeling stressed out from school as of late. Especially with our last few lessons and the new school year up ahead.” Sayo lied, granted it wasn’t exactly a total lie though as Sayo did indeed struggle with their classes’ final lessons (Hina though was a different story…) “Hence why I just want to rest right now, and why it dawn on me that perhaps becoming an artist…wasn’t my calling after all. But I still want to say, thank you for being so worried about me.”

Thankfully Hina accepted her excuses, as she took Sayo’s hands off her shoulders and squeezed them gently. “All right then I understand, I hope you get better soon onee-chan. I want you to know that if there is anything that is troubling you, then I am here to listen all right?” Hina said as Sayo nodded in response. Hina then gave her older sister another hug and then ran back downstairs. “Anyway I’ll be heading back down now. Good night onee-chan! I love you!”

“I will, good night…Hina-chan. I love you too.” Sayo said as the two hugged for a bit before Hina headed out of their bedroom and back downstairs to their parents.

As soon as Hina was out of sight, Sayo sighed and closed the door shut before returning to her desk. She then pulled out her sketchbook from the drawer, flipping the pages open and looked over her most recent sketch: An incomplete if not barely worked on sketch of their entire family. With a deep and heavy sigh, Sayo resumed working on said sketch and was making some halfway-decent progress but just as the tip of her pencil traced to the drawing of Hina, the tip of her pencil broke causing her hand to slip as traces of broken lead trailed all over the drawing. At the sight of her screw-up, Sayo clenched her teeth in frustration as she suddenly tore the sheet off her sketchbook, tore the page into pieces, then tossed them into the trash can.

It then took Sayo a minute to realize what she had done, and the work she had wasted from her little stunt. Sighing dejectedly, she turned to her sketchbook to start working on a new sketch, tracing the outlines left behind from her previous drawing but before she could even start drawing herself; she repeated what she had done to her previous sketch followed by the same reaction. This process happened a few more times that by the time Sayo tore and tossed away her fifth barely worked on sketch, she did not bother resuming at all as she slammed her desk in frustration.

Finally, without uttering a single word, Sayo closed her sketchbook shut, pulled out her desk drawer, and dropped it at the lowest point below everything else where it would stay there for years to come. With a disheartened scoff, she got onto her and Hina’s shared bed and slept her frustrations away. Not too long afterwards, Hina went up and went to bed as well, knowing no better what really happened nor what her sister was feeling.

* * *

Back in the present day, Sayo snapped back out of memory lane as she looked over what was left of her old sketchbook as she looked over to the pieces of paper that were left from the torn pages. After scolding her younger self for wasting paper so frivolously, she put her sketchbook aside with her other old belongings for the time being, and then resumed clearing out more old belongings.

However, even as she did; she still could not shake off the things that crossed her mind around that age: How she had dreams and aspirations to becoming an artist. And while it was unclear for her if she had aimed for it to be full-on career choice or simply as a passionate hobby she wanted to be really good at (though Sayo liked to think it was the latter), the point still stood: There WAS a time where Sayo found so much joy in drawing. Not specifically to become the best artist, but simply because…drawing was so much fun for her. Sayo dwelled on those thoughts for a couple of minutes before she resumed her current task at hand.

The next set of old belongings Sayo had dug out were her old set of swimming wear: Swimming cap, goggles and both her school sukumizu and her personal one-piece swimsuit that she used to wear whenever their family went out to the beach. And much like her old sketchbook before her, old memories filled her mind once more.

* * *

“And…stop!” The swimming coach said as 10-year old Sayo Hikawa finished her laps. “Amazing Hikawa, that’s a new record right there.”

“R-Really?” Sayo asked happily in-between heavy breaths.

“It sure is, and with that I can definitely say you’ve reached first place out all the students. Congratulations Hikawa.” The coach said.

“Yes! All right!” Sayo exclaimed as she did a little pump with her fists as the coach and the rest of the students clapped in applause and offered their praises. Not long after that, Sayo headed to the locker room to change and freshen up before heading home.

Later that evening…

“I’m home!” Sayo greeted.

“Oh! Welcome home Sayo, you seem very happy right now. Did something amazing happen at swimming class today?” Mrs. Hikawa asked.

“Sure did mom, coach said that I even broke the class’ current record!” Sayo said excitedly.

“Really? That’s amazing Sayo!” Their mother said. “If you keep this up, then you’re bound to be a top-notch professional swimmer eventually. Just like you said you would.

“That’s right!” Sayo said determinately.

“Mama’s right, onee-chan is so amazing! So amazing that, I want to try it too! Onee-chan! I want to try swimming too!” Hina exclaimed happily.

“Eh? H-Hina-chan…?”

“Oh that’s a wonderful idea Hina! Sayo, why don’t you help Hina out with any school documents and take her to your swimming class tomorrow? How does that sound dear?”

“Erm, uh…sure mom. I’ll do it.” Sayo replied.

“Hooray! Oh this is going to be so boppin onee-chan! We’re going to be the best swimmers out there, I just know it!” Hina said, as she ran to Sayo for a hug.

“Y-Yeah, what you just said there.” Sayo said with uncertainty, not even bothering to reciprocate Hina’s hug this time around. _“It will be fine, it’s not like Hina can beat me here too…”_

_“Right?”_

* * *

“No way, Hina Hikawa…are you really serious when you said you’ve never swam before?” The coach asked flabbergasted as Hina finished her laps.

“Well sort off, I’ve swam many times before with my family but this is my absolute first time swimming like this!” Hina said.

“And yet not only have you master all the forms, but you also broke a new record just like that! It’s like the rumors about you say: You really ARE a natural prodigy.”

“Hahaha thanks but it was nothing boppin, really.” Hina said bluntly as the coach and the other students continued heaping praise onto her.

“No…again, it happened again.” Sayo could only say as she slumped down to the ground. Just like that, Hina had beaten her again.

“Onee-chan…onee-chan…ONEE-CHAN!”

“Gah!” Sayo screamed as she snapped out of her thoughts, only to see Hina standing before her – a bright smile plastered on her face. “H-Hina…chan?”

“Onee-chan did you see me out there? I was so boppin, I was able to learn how swim like you did so fast and easily! Eh…onee-chan…?”

Sayo simply said nothing as she walked back to the locker rooms to freshen up for what would be the last time, her dreams of being a professional swimmer nothing more than a discarded thought.

* * *

Back in the present, after putting aside her old sukumizu and goggles to the “giveaway” box (No point keeping it now that they hardly fit her at all now), Sayo continued going through more and more of her old belongings. But as she did, more and more memories spanning from different parts of her childhood resurfaced the more she unearthed facets of her past hobbies and aspirations:

An old softball bat and mitt which only reminded Sayo of the times she struck out in games while Hina hit home runs like it was natural to her (like it was for anything she did…)

An old bronze medal from a track and field event in middle school where Hina had won a gold one in that very same event – the same event where Sayo stopped track and field altogether.

An old and tattered screenplay for a school festival play concept Sayo remembered spending weeks’ worth of near-sleepless nights working on that never happened simply because her teacher and the rest of her class liked the screenplay Hina wrote in just a day much, much better – a sentiment shared by their parents and the audience when they came to see the play in production. Thus, in her hands was the first AND last screenplay Sayo Hikawa had ever written.

A participation medal to a math contest which was cruelly accompanied by a picture depicting herself, Hina and all the other participating kids their age standing upon the stage: With Sayo by the sides with all the other kids while Hina was front and center, displaying her 1st place trophy for everyone to see.

The more Sayo went over her old belongings relating to her past; the more memories from her younger years flooded her mind of how things would always start: How she had dreams and aspirations she was set on working hard for…only to suddenly quit altogether the moment Hina followed her example, succeeding twice as much but with only half the effort Sayo put.

Finally, after another hour or so (yet it felt even longer for her) of going through her entire bedroom, Sayo had finally finished clearing out all the old things in her room as she stared into a boxes containing relics from her younger years. To anyone unaware or oblivious, the boxes would be nothing more than just a bunch of old “junk” to be thrown out or given away. But to Sayo, what she saw in them were reminders. Not just of her feelings of inadequacy, but instead what could have been and what they were now to her: Of abandoned goals, hopes and dreams. Paths that were forever closed off for her because she closed them off herself. Flowers of prospect that she had nipped in the bud before they could properly bloom.

“Did I really allow…my feelings of inadequacy, to close off the things I could have been until all that was left of me was nothing?” Sayo said to herself. “Did I really allow Hina to take all of this away from me? Take away the things that I could have been in my life? All because I could never shine as brightly as the way she did?” Another realization then hit her: “When did I start pursuing these things, not because I enjoyed them…but simply because they were just another way for me to differentiate myself from Hina or in the hopes of finding something to finally beat her with? I…I’m…”

However just as seemed like Sayo was about to bury herself in her self-loathing once more, she suddenly took a deep breath and cleared her mind. “No that’s not it is it? It wasn’t Hina’s fault, it was never her fault at all. Not then, and certainly not now. Still doesn’t mean I never thought it was.” She then shifted her gaze at a certain item resting safely near her bed – which was none other than her guitar. Sayo let out as smile as warmer thoughts filled her mind.

If this were a year ago, Sayo would have seen her guitar as the only thing she had left that she can call hers, something that she felt Hina could never take away from her up until she discovered she took up the guitar as well. And as the darker corners of her mind tried its best to bring her spirits down again, Sayo felt herself as ease as she recalled everything that had happened to her up till the present – Things that were only possible, because of the path she was in right now.

With that Sayo simply smiled as she packed up the last of her boxes and headed out the door.

* * *

About an hour later, it was now mid-afternoon at the Hikawa residence. Sayo was now seated in their living room couch, completely laser-focused as she was going through her boxes for what seemed to be the third time when a familiar voice broke her focus.

“Onee-chan!” Hina’s voice cried out as she ran down the living room, boxes in hand to where Sayo. “Ah onee-chan, you already finished clearing out your room?

“Hmm? Why yes I have. I am simply overlooking to see if I am missing anything and if I am a 100% certain I will not be regretting letting these go. What about you Hina?” Sayo asked.

“Me? Hehehe well I was going to sort out my stuff after clearing my room but all of a sudden: I got a message from our agency asking all of us in Pastel*Palettes to attend a video call to discuss our upcoming projects and appearances. We only finished just a while ago.” Hina explained sheepishly.

“I see, well I guess it can’t be helped can it? Well come on then: Why don’t we start sorting your things out together then? If the two of us work together, we can finish sorting and clearing out everything before nightfall.” Sayo said as she cleared away her boxes so that Hina could have room for hers, as well as gave her some space to sit on their couch.

“Really? Onee-chan, thank you!” Hina said as she walked over to the couch and placed her boxes down. Not long afterwards, the pair got to work as Sayo looked over Hina’s belongings, asking her if she was 100% sure she was willing to give it away, keep it, or even give it to their friends – a process she repeated multiple times. Hina on her end simply cooperated with Sayo’s questions…though that did not stop her from retracting her previous decisions several items later (usually by suggesting new and innovative, albeit impractical ways to make use out of her old belongings) much to the older twin’s chargin. The cycle continued up until Sayo made Hina 100-no 200 percent sure her decisions were final.

Just then Hina pulled something familiar from her box. “Oh hey I remember this one, oh how this takes me back.” Hina said as she took out an old sketchbook not unlike Sayo’s.

“Your old sketchbook.” Sayo said as she looked over her boxes “Yes I do remember it, back when we used to draw for fun right? We were eight that time.”

“Hmm hmm we were! I remembered how fun it was seeing you practicing during class and after dinner before bedtime. Seeing you so determined to become the best artist you could be, I couldn’t help but feel inspired thus why I took it up myself, hoping we could do something fun together as sisters.” Hina said in a reminiscing tone when her expression suddenly dropped. “Then one day, you said you didn’t like drawing anymore and well for some reason I felt the same. It just didn’t feel right continuing on without you.” Hina said softly.

“And it wasn’t just drawing either: Swimming, writing, track and field, almost everything we did together you just stopped.” Hina said in a surprisingly somber tone. “For the longest time I asked myself why onee-chan would stop doing these things after she expressed how much she loves doing them, that is…until now.” A crestfallen expression filled Hina’s face as she tugged at Sayo’s sleeve. “Onee-chan, I want to ask: Did you…miss doing all of these things?” Hina asked, her voice suddenly taking on a softer and more somber tone.

“Huh? Well, I would be lying if I said I never did.” Sayo replied. "Because in all honesty: Part of does miss it all."

“Then does that mean you blame me for making you quit all of these things? Do you blame me for taking away the things you loved?” Hina asked as Sayo gasped in surprise to her question. “It’s okay onee-chan, you can say it straight to my face if you want to.”

Sayo simply sat in silence, contemplating Hina’s words as the latter waited in baited breath and even resignment at what she was going to say (or what she thought she was going to say). Upon seeing the discomfort on her sister’s face, Sayo scooted closer to Hina and placed her hands on her shoulders.

“No, no I don’t Hina…” Sayo said reassuringly. “But I would also just be lying to you if I said I never did.” Sayo said truthfully. “When I was clearing out my bedroom: I too came across all these mementos of the past from my old sketchbook, to my old swimming gear, everything. And when I did, all my mind could think of was how I had all these dreams and aspirations I planned to achieve with my own two hands only to discard them when I felt myself inadequate compared to you. In half the time it took me to get to where I was, you managed to surpass me every single time. At first I paid it no mind but the older we got and the more others took notice: The more evident it was to me back then that I was simply wasting my time. It even came to the point where it seemed I was pursuing different things and aspiring for such goals JUST so that I could differentiate myself from you.”

“And it seemed like I never did outgrow that mindset, especially when it came to playing the guitar. When I first started playing guitar, the first thing that crossed my mind was “This was it: Finally, something Hina could not take away from me.” Never once did I ever think about pursuing the guitar for the fun of it.” Sayo said. “Out of all the interests I have ever tackled in my life, guitar was the one I safeguarded like it was my very lifeline itself. Like it was the only path left for me to take. That was probably why…when I first discovered you became the guitarist for Pastel*Palettes: A part of my mind could not stop screaming “She is going to take away that too! Like she has done for everything I ever had! I already lost everything else, I cannot lose guitar too!””

“But the more I thought about it, the more I asked myself: If I allowed my own pettiness, my own inferiority complex towards you steer me away from the paths I set for myself, can I even say I even cared about them in the first place? Can I even say they were even real paths for me? I quitted drawing, swimming, I quitted literally everything I claimed I would put my mind into the moment my pride got to me. It even came to the point where I was even close to quitting the guitar itself because I hated how lifeless my sound was compared to yours. As if a subconscious part of me knew my intentions were dishonest from the start.” Sayo continued speaking as Hina was all ears, taking in every single one of her sister’s words to heart.

“So the truth is Hina, while I did indeed blame you back then: I blame myself even more: I blame myself for quitting, I blame myself for being so dishonest when I had these former goals and aspirations, and most importantly – I blame myself for having such ulterior motives in pursuing the things I do in the first place. When you think about, I’m pretty pathetic, am I?” Sayo asked, not in a downtrodden tone but more in casual tone.

“Onee-chan...”

“However…” Sayo said before resuming. “When I looked at my guitar a while back; I found myself looking at it differently compared to my old belongings no matter how hard the darkest corners of my mind tried to make me do otherwise. When I look at my guitar, I found that my mind didn’t jump just straight into thinking about how lifeless my sound was compared to yours nor, instead my mind flashed to all the amazing things that had happened to me because of this path I am on now: Because of playing the guitar, I was able to join Roselia and meet people like Minato-san, Imai-san, Udagawa-san, and Shirokane-san – people I could count on as my fellow bandmates and as my friends. Because of them and their encouragement, I was able to see what lies before me beyond my current path and realize who I am. And I will always be eternally grateful to them for that.”

“But most importantly, I have you to thank Hina.” Sayo said as Hina’s eyes lit up upon hearing her sister’s words. “I realized now that if I wasn’t so driven to reach your level in anything that I did, I never would have pursued the guitar in the first place, meaning I may never have joined Roselia at all. And if it were not for our promise, I realized I probably would be packing up my guitar along with the rest of all of these old things right about now.” She said as she looked over the boxes laid out all around their living room. “Thanks to you and the promise we have made to one another, I now know that this time: I WILL fully walk down this path, and what is beyond it. No matter what it takes.”

“Onee-chan…” Hina simply said in awe, then steeled herself for what she wanted to say next. “Onee-chan, you say you’re pathetic for discarding your previous paths just like that, you claimed you were dishonest when you pursued the things we used to do when we were younger, but as I look through my old stuff: I realized I am just the same, maybe even worse.”

“Hina…”

“Please let me explain myself onee-chan.” Hina said. “It’s like I said earlier, when I came across all my old belongings: I remembered how I would pursue doing them only because you were doing the same thing. I never had the aspirations you did when you wanted to be artist or a swimmer, all I cared about was doing something together with my sister. And the moment you quit, would also be the moment I lost interest and quit those things as well. It made me realize that much like you: Perhaps my heart was never in doing these things in the first place and that I was simply doing those things solely for my own motive – the motive of wanting to be close to you.”

“Even when I started playing the guitar, back then the only thing I ever thought about it was “Finally, something I could use to bond with my onee-chan just like when we were kids!” much like I thought about all the things we used to do together.” Hina continued. “I simply used playing the guitar as a means to an end, and in the process I only ended up hurting you, like I have done so many times in the past.”

“But as I was discussing with the rest of Pastel*Palettes through our video chat and as I stared at my guitar: I could only think about how much my life has changed since joining them and how much playing the guitar was what made it happen. Because of playing the guitar, I was able to become a part of Pastel*Palettes and meet all sorts of bopping and zappin people out there: People like Aya-chan, Chisato-chan, Maya-chan, Eve-chan, and all of our other friends out there. Becoming a part of Pastel*Palettes has let me meet all sorts of different people and allow me to understand how different but special each of them are. I feel like I have grown a lot since then, and I have them to thank for it. I have the guitar to thank for it.”

“But the person I want to thank for the most is you onee-chan. For it is because of you that I was able to be where I am now and become who I am today. Thanks to you, I finally found the path I want to walk towards no matter what it takes: I want to continue playing guitar, I want to continue being in Pastel*Palettes, and most importantly, I want to continue upholding the promise we made to one another, and my promise that I would wait for you no matter how long it takes.”

“Hina.” Sayo said with warm, gentle smile on her face as she let out a soft and tender-sounding laugh. “I feel the same way. It’s like I promised you back then: One day my path will cross with yours so until then, you better not quit on me else I would never forgive you.”

“Onee-chan…”

“Hina, what is it?”

“Onee-chan…Onee-chan…I…” Hina could only said as she started tearing up in joy when a large smiled suddenly flashed in her face. “I…I…I LOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!” Hina screamed at the top of her lungs as she lunged towards her.

“Eh?! Wait, H-H-Hina! Don’t you dare-AAAHHH!!!” Sayo screamed as Hina suddenly glomped her, causing the two to lose their balance and fall off the couch onto the floor as Hina proceeded to crush her into a big bear hug.

“Oh onee-chan! I love you so very much! You are the best onee-chan anyone can ever have! And if I have to fight people to prove that point, I will!”

“I sure hope you don’t mean that literally…what would the rest of Pastel*Palettes say if their fellow bandmate and idol suddenly got into fights with people. No scratch that, what would our friends and our parents say?!” Sayo exclaimed, squirming as much as she can to break free from Hina’s hold.

“Then I will fight them too, I’ll take on the whole world if it means upholding your honor as the best big sister out there!” Hina said energetically.

“Well you can’t exactly do that if I’m dead am I?! Now kindly get off me!” Sayo said irritably as she finally pushed Hina off her and stood back up.

“Hehehehe sorry onee-chan, but we were just so bopping at that moment that I couldn’t help myself.” Hina laughed.

Sayo simply sighed as she looked over her phone. “Anyhow, come on we better finish up with sorting all of this stuff before mom and dad arrive. According to mom’s latest text, they should be back in a hour or two so no time to waste.” She said sternly.

“You got it onee-chan!” Hina responded as the two resumed their not-spring cleaning. As Hina looked over her old sketchbook again, a thought crossed her mind that she had to share with her sister. “You know it’s not too late to try again, you know that right onee-chan?”

“Excuse me?” Sayo asked curiously.

“I mean the things you used to do! I mean, just because you quit doing something, doesn’t mean you can’t go back right?” Hina stated in a simple-matter-of-fact tone. “I mean there’s nothing stopping you from drawing or even swimming again even as a hobby right…?

“I suppose not.” Sayo agreed then cleared her throat. “Of course, I don’t think I will be going for becoming a professional swimmer anytime soon: I mean I already have kyudo, the disciplinary committee, entrance exams, and of course the guitar to prioritize on especially when Roselia is set to perform at Future World Fes soon. Though swimming for the fun of it does sound like an option if only for the exercise or when going to the beach with others.” She chuckled. “And perhaps…I could try my hand in drawing again someday.”

“Really you mean that onee-chan?” Hina asked excitedly.

“Yes, but like I said: “Someday”.” Sayo clarified to her and then walked over to her boxes and took out her old sketchbook as she stared at it intently as everything that transpired between her and Hina the entire day crossed her mind. Finally, after a long minute or two of contemplation, Sayo took her old sketchbook and set it aside by their living room table. She then closed off the box where it was and taped it shut, confirming that her mind had been made up.

_“That’s right, regardless of the paths that could have been, no matter the path I am on now: Perhaps it isn’t too late to try again. Even I may not ever be the artist I envisioned myself becoming back when I was eight; that doesn’t mean I should just phase this facet out of my life completely. After all, if it were not for what happened with my drawing, or my swimming, or everything else: I do not think I would be where I am now with my guitar, with Roselia, and especially with Hina. And if I have to be honest: I would not trade for what I have now for anything in the world.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave any feedback and criticisms in the comments down below, like I said at the start: This is my first time writing a fic for pre-existing characters so I worry I may have risked making them OOC at certain points especially when conveying how far they have developed from their previous selves.
> 
> I especially apologize in advance if I messed up Hina in any way or form, especially in the flashbacks. I confess that as much as I love Hina as my 2nd-most favorite character, I still do not understand how to get into her head the way I do with Sayo even though I AM aware of how much she has changed since then. I also didn't want to overdo it with her catchphrases though I do worry I ended up underusing it in the first place.
> 
> And as for Sayo herself: I also apologize if I messed some things up regarding how she acts and thinks. I would really appreciate it if you could also give me some feedback and criticisms in the comments about how I have written her for future reference, because to tell you all the truth: I actually have several other planned fanfics featuring her in the works (albeit not all are relating to her issues with Hina nor are they fics like this one) that I REALLY want to do later down the line. It is also why I wanted to mitigate the angst as much as possible, both to convey how much more at peace Sayo is with her issues (even if they are still present) and also because I didn't want to paraphrase canon events too much in terms of what Sayo and Hina are saying.


End file.
